Gurme's Blog

Something nice to keep you warm!

2009-04-24T17:51:00.000+02:00

Feel it!

2009-04-23T21:38:00.000+02:00

Punishment

2009-04-23T17:37:00.001+02:00

Alone in...

2009-04-23T05:39:00.000+02:00

New Sex Machine

2009-04-22T17:49:00.000+02:00

Touch...

2009-04-22T17:35:00.000+02:00

Do you wanna be a skater?

2009-04-22T17:27:00.001+02:00

Innocence

2009-04-22T17:15:00.000+02:00

There’s No Difference Between You And me

2009-04-22T16:54:00.002+02:00

I can...

2009-04-22T16:39:00.001+02:00

Amazing Animated Drawings

2009-01-24T18:02:00.000+01:00

Where is my Stethoscope?

2009-01-23T08:28:00.000+01:00

Flowers Bunch

2009-01-22T16:11:00.001+01:00

I Love Chocolate

2009-01-22T08:04:00.000+01:00

Ladies Room

2009-01-22T07:00:00.000+01:00

CREATED BY A WOMAN
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said ' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the
Buttons on the wall.'

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.

Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and a red one labeled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.

What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this..

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff
Completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.

'The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.'

MEN NEVER LISTEN

Sweet Hug

2009-01-20T08:30:00.001+01:00

Oooh!

2009-01-19T15:35:00.002+01:00

Dancing Before...

2009-01-19T08:33:00.001+01:00

Balls...

2009-01-18T21:51:00.000+01:00

Real Love...

2009-01-18T15:34:00.001+01:00

Take off

2009-01-18T08:15:00.003+01:00

Ouch...

2009-01-17T23:19:00.000+01:00

Funny statues

2009-01-17T22:10:00.000+01:00

The Mummy

2009-01-17T20:08:00.000+01:00

Push...

2009-01-17T15:32:00.000+01:00

Chain Gang

2009-01-17T08:00:00.002+01:00

love you when...

2009-01-16T15:31:00.000+01:00

Pearl

2009-01-16T08:33:00.002+01:00

Secret Fruits

2009-01-16T08:30:00.000+01:00

Creative Thought

2009-01-15T23:01:00.001+01:00

Alarm...

2009-01-15T15:40:00.000+01:00

Boss...

2009-01-15T15:28:00.000+01:00

Flowers Beautiful

2009-01-15T15:09:00.000+01:00

A Little Red into Black

2009-01-15T09:30:00.001+01:00

Light and Shadow

2009-01-14T16:19:00.000+01:00

I wish...

2009-01-14T15:26:00.002+01:00

An Open Bidding

2009-01-14T15:17:00.000+01:00

Man: Limited Inteligence

2009-01-14T13:11:00.001+01:00

Angel Fruit

2009-01-14T11:12:00.002+01:00

Eyes on you

2009-01-14T08:21:00.003+01:00

What's Your Favorite Flower?

2009-01-13T21:55:00.001+01:00

Cast a shadow on...

2009-01-13T10:58:00.001+01:00

Naughty Trees!

2009-01-13T08:00:00.000+01:00

Bone, bone...

2009-01-12T13:05:00.001+01:00

Cream on...

2009-01-12T11:11:00.002+01:00

I Love Flowers

2009-01-12T08:05:00.000+01:00

Offers to the Vicar

2009-01-12T07:30:00.000+01:00

The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation... No one wants him to leave.

Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Holden every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says,
'If the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him $ex.'
There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:

'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'F**k the Vicar'.

Big Head

2009-01-11T13:25:00.002+01:00

Secret...

2009-01-11T08:05:00.000+01:00

Make me...

2009-01-11T07:55:00.000+01:00

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said, "You have the biggest penis of all your friends."

Searching...

2009-01-10T20:05:00.000+01:00

Playing With Trains

2009-01-10T18:10:00.000+01:00

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of You B*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks".

The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't Use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.

When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want You to Use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed Playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
"All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you..We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue,

"For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us Today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."

Aim at

2009-01-10T13:01:00.000+01:00

I love Fruits...

2009-01-10T11:11:00.001+01:00

Marriage Jokes

2009-01-09T23:13:00.000+01:00

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
-------------------- --------- --------- --------- --
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
----------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
------------------ --------- --------- --------- ----
If u r married please ignore this MSG,
For everyone else: Happy Independence Day
------------------ --------- --------- --------- ----
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
---------------- --------- --------- --------- ----
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
------------------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Girlfriends r like chocolates,
Taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.
----------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
-------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
----------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---

There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
---------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence

Fall in Love

2009-01-09T13:01:00.000+01:00

Nipples up!

2009-01-09T08:05:00.000+01:00

Dental Plate

2009-01-08T13:01:00.001+01:00

What’s Your Favorite Fruit?

2009-01-08T11:11:00.003+01:00

Jane and Arlene

2009-01-08T10:00:00.000+01:00

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts i t over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.

Touch me not

2009-01-08T08:05:00.000+01:00

Carrying

2009-01-07T16:48:00.002+01:00

Wine - Your Sin

2009-01-07T16:35:00.002+01:00

Murphy's Trick

2009-01-07T12:09:00.000+01:00

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money
between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large
sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness
and two glasses of Jameson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be
in? We haven't got any money!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!'

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage
through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for
free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more
of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin'me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third
pub.

Glamour Art

2009-01-07T09:59:00.004+01:00

Evolution

2009-01-06T18:14:00.002+01:00

Feminine Evolution

Masculine Evolution

The Emptiness of Pain

2009-01-06T17:55:00.001+01:00

Candy - Your Sin

2009-01-06T17:51:00.000+01:00

Angel

2009-01-06T17:36:00.002+01:00

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
or a beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
it may be empty
or weightless and maybe
we'll find some peace tonight

you're in the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
where everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
the storm keeps on twisting
keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escape one last time
it's easier to believe
in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

(Sarah McLachlan)

Self-destruction

2009-01-06T17:28:00.001+01:00

Face to Face

2009-01-06T17:26:00.004+01:00

Car Wash

2009-01-06T16:05:00.000+01:00

500 dollars or 5 dollars?

The Penis and the pay rise Very funny!!!!

2009-01-06T15:41:00.002+01:00

One day a penis writes a letter of complaint to the management.!

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons :

I do physical labour *
I work at great depths *
I plunge head - first into everything I do
I do not get a weekend or public holiday off *
I work in a damp environment *
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation *
I work in high temperatures *
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

He got this reply:

Dear Penis ;
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the Management rejects your request
for the following reasons :

You do not work 8 hours straight *
You fall asleep after brief work periods *
You do not always follow the orders of your direct manager *
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations *
You need to be pressurised and stimulated in order to start working *
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift *
You do not always wear protective clothing when working *
You will probably retire before age 60 *
You are unable to work double shifts *
You leave your designated work area sometimes before the task is completed *
And you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags

Sincerely.. The management

10 Most Wonderful Temples of the World

2009-01-06T15:33:00.002+01:00

1 - Tiger's Nest Monastery, perched precariously on the edge of a 3,000-feet-high cliff in Paro Valley, is one of the holiest places in Bhutan

2 - Wat Rong Khun in Chiang Mai, Thailand is unlike any Buddhist temples in the world.

3 - Prambanan is a Hindu temple in Central Java, Indonesia. The temple was built in 850 CE, and is composed of 8 main shrines and 250 surrounding smaller ones

4 - No one knows exactly when the Shwedagon Paya [wiki] (or Pagoda) in Myanmar was built - legend has it that it is 2,500 years old though archaeologists estimate that it was built between the 6th and 10th century.

5 - Temple of Heaven is a Taoist temple in Beijing, the capital of China. The temple was constructed in 14th century by Emperor Yongle of the Ming Dynasty

6 - Chion-in Temple was built in 1234 CE to honor the founder of Jodo (Pure Land) Buddhism, a priest named Honen, who fasted to death in the very spot.

7 - In the 19th century, Dutch occupiers of Indonesia found a massive ancient ruin deep in the jungles of Java. What they discovered was the complex of Borobudur, a gigantic structure built with nearly 2 million cubic feet (55,000 m³) of stones. The temple has nearly 2,700 relief panels and 504 Buddha statues.

8 - The Harmandir Sahib (meaning The Abode of God) or simply the Golden Temple [wiki] in Punjab, India is the most sacred shrine of Sikhism.

9 - The Temple of Srirangam (Sri Ranganathaswamy Temple [wiki]), in the Indian city of Tiruchirapalli (or Trichy), is the largest functioning Hindu temple in the world (Ankor Wat is the largest of all temple, but it is currently non-functioning as a temple - see below).

10 - Last but definitely not least is the largest temple in history and the inspiration to countless novels and action movies of Hollywood: Ankor Wat.

Guess the Nationality

2009-01-06T15:25:00.003+01:00

Guess the Nationality

HOLY KIELBASA!!!!!!!

What did you think?

Still A Virgin?

2009-01-06T14:57:00.001+01:00

A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married.

On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "Please promise to be gentle,... I am still a virgin."

The startled groom says "How can that be? You've been married 3 times before."
The bride responds:

"Well you see it was this way: My first husband was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it.

"My second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.

"And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was...............ohh I miss him!"

Amazing!!!

2009-01-06T14:53:00.001+01:00

All I want is...

2009-01-06T14:41:00.001+01:00

What every man dreams of possessing!!!

CARTOONS

2009-01-06T14:27:00.001+01:00

Story of Traffic Signal...

2009-01-06T14:19:00.001+01:00